It’s Wednesday and I bet you’re a little bored. Not enough of the week left to start a new project and not quite enough time left to feel pressured to meet a Friday deadline. So what should you do? Suggestion: Sue Apple over the iPhone. Why not? Everyone else seems to do it.

The lawsuit of the moment? One accusing Apple of slower than advertised browsing speed and cracking cases. From the complaint:

“Although Apple was and is aware that the handsets were and are defective, and that consumers have experienced repeated instances of cracked housings, Apple has nevertheless allowed the defectively designed iPhones to be sold to the public”

Cracking cases? Just how much cracking? Research indicated that some people are reporting hairline cracks but I couldn’t find any reports of a suddenly disintegrating housing rendering the iPhone inoperable. Not to say hair line cracks aren’t annoying but functionality should trump looks. I suspect if you have an iPhone with serious cracks and take it back to the Apple store you’ll get a replacement. In fact I’ve got a single case of exactly that happening. I dropped my iPhone and it landed flush on the screen against concrete. The crack was noticeable. I took the iPhone (actually I got my wife to do it, people hate me) back to the Apple Store and, since there were no other signs of misuse, Apple hooked me up with a brand new iPhone. For free. Remember that it was no secret how the screen got cracked, everyone was in agreement that I was a fumbled fingered idiot and to blame yet Apple still replaced the phone.

Obviously if you’re not treating your iPhone properly, say you’re putting in a sweat sock and smacking strangers with it, Apple won’t be as amenable. I guess suing is easier than hitting the local Apple Store.

Of course complaints about hairline cracks are likely to result if a big GTFO from the judge so the pot has been sweetened with complaints about the 3G network not being as fast or robust as promised. See, the ads show the iPhone going faster than the iPhone seems to go when actually being used. That has to be actionable right? There aren’t any other products that perform better on TV than they do in real life are there? Nope, not possible, TV always tells the absolute truth. One supposes this all goes back to a fundamental legal principle: sue the people with cash because suing broke folks gets you nothing even if you win. What company is sitting on a boatload of cash? Oh yeah, Apple is.