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My Dirty iPhone Secret

Posted November 15, 2007 7:00 AM by Jason Swifter
Categories: Opinions 

imageI have a dirty secret and it has to do with my iPhone. You see, Steve Jobs and Apple just had to make things tough for us. They basically made a mini computer that fits in your pocket. It’s the full internet! It’s my movies, my music, my photos. It’s Steve’s fault and now I feel really sketched out about how dirty I am. You see, with such a powerful device in my pocket I just can’t help myself.

I use my iPhone when I’m sitting on the can.

There is very little that i can say in the form of an excuse. When I’m taking a dump I get bored! I need something to do. I tried bringing a magazine or a newspaper with me but that can’t compare to the power of what’s online. I tried just humming to myself but then everyone who comes in worries about the crazy man in the bathroom stall. Then I tried to just put my earbuds in to listen to the music. But when you know you could be viewing videos of office pranks or pictures of 8-legged little kids, music simply will not do.

The iPhone really is perfect for the bathroom. You can type away and people can’t hear you pecking away on the screen. You can multitask to the extreme and you don’t have to worry about people seeing you walking out of the bathroom with your MacBook Pro under your arm.

But when I really sit back and think about it, (and lately, based on my poor eating habits, I have had a ton of time to sit and think) this is really grossing me out. After all, my dirty, bathroom filthy hands are pawing all over my iPhone and then that same said iPhone is being put up to the side of my face. I’m surprised I have not contracted some feces disease of the face!

For some reason, I think I will feel better if I knew other people did this too. Please, someone tell me I am not alone!

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Comments

  1. My name is Scott, and I am an iPhone-Shitter-aholic

    Posted by Scott on November 15, 2007 7:24 AM

  2. I do this too, but I don’t use the iPhone exactly after You-know-what. Before I do “it”, I put it in the pocket, and then do “it”, stand up, wash my hands, and I’m all happy again using the iPhone.

    Just like how the family doctor always tells you, “wash before or after you do number 2”.

    Posted by Jofell S. Gallardo on November 15, 2007 7:45 AM

  3. I got it wrong… “before AND after”.

    Posted by Jofell S. Gallardo on November 15, 2007 7:46 AM

  4. TMI (I’m reading this on the john.)

    Posted by Jeff on November 15, 2007 8:41 AM

  5. I too, am an iPhone-John-User.

    I can’t help it.

    it’s…

    it’s…


    (runs to the bathroom)

    Ok, I’m back.

    Yeah. It’s um, relaxing.

    Posted by Mike on November 15, 2007 8:59 AM

  6. Power to the iPhone potty people!!!!

    Posted by americanJoe on November 15, 2007 9:00 AM

  7. I too do this - unfortunately the ATT signal is to bad that I can’t get reception in the office bathroom, i can barely get a signal sitting at my desk, so I’m limited to just looking at photos or reading old email messages -

    Posted by Michael on November 15, 2007 9:36 AM

  8. Remind me never to call any of you people.

    Posted by DBL on November 15, 2007 10:13 AM

  9. Hah! Awesome post, that’s why I love this site. My only fear when doing this is the iPhone slipping out of my hands into the bowl. I think I would cry, kinda hard to take the genius bar in that state too…

    Posted by Dale on November 15, 2007 10:23 AM

  10. I was afraid I was the only one with this habit.
    My office environment is very open and I can’t be seen sitting there surfing on the iP, so I go into a convenient bathroom stall (aka media center) when I need a break. Maybe people have noticed I take a lot more potty breaks lately, but what can they say?

    My bathroom hygiene routine with my iP borders on the obsessive-compulsive, so the fear of dropping it into the toilet is the only deterrent.

    Posted by iPee on November 15, 2007 10:44 AM

  11. Same here.  It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

    Posted by Eric on November 15, 2007 10:57 AM

  12. Here’s to being an “iPhone-Shitter-aholic”...  Cheers!

    Posted by Rich on November 15, 2007 11:03 AM

  13. I’m guilty!

    Posted by Mike on November 15, 2007 12:11 PM

  14. Not entirely iPhone related but…

    Several years ago, I interviewed with a company.  I had to use the restroom after the long drive to get there.  When I went in their restroom, there was a laptop mounted on a little swing-arm, so you could sit on the toilet and surf the web.

    A little bit scary.

    Actually, I’m convinced that one of the reasons that the original iBook was so wide was so that you could use it while sitting on the toilet without worrying about it slipping off of your lap.

    I don’t have an iPhone and I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable about using it on the toilet—mostly because I’d be afraid of dropping it.  grin

    Posted by Peter on November 15, 2007 12:11 PM

  15. I use the reading room appropriately.

    It used to be newspapers, magazines, and books.

    It’s still newspapers (online), magazines (online), and books (ebooks via Books.app).


    I draw the line at inserting headphones into the ear canal.

    Posted by Me on November 15, 2007 12:52 PM

  16. Hilarious. I’m glad somebody admitted to this so I don’t feel so awkward doing it every day. grin

    Posted by Jody on November 15, 2007 7:53 PM

  17. Guilty as charged. I’m just glad I’m not the only one! For those of you who listen to music or watch video, watch the earbuds, I dropped a pair in the toilet :-( Thankfully, I had a backup pair! Poo on!

    Posted by Joe on November 15, 2007 8:14 PM

  18. Dude, I’m reading this right now on the can.

    Posted by Shakes on November 15, 2007 11:03 PM

  19. Toilet surfer and proud of it !

    smile

    Posted by Scott Paterson on November 16, 2007 3:46 PM

  20. My favorite pastime. Glad to have the company!

    Posted by iShite on November 17, 2007 12:44 AM

  21. Yeah, I do a good amount of toilet bowl-surfing.  Did it with my old Sony Clie UX50 and Palm LifeDrive too.  Never really have to worry about dropping the device as long as I had ONE free hand…

    Posted by chuckles b on November 18, 2007 9:15 PM

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